Been a while since i last update my blog. Might be a long post, Many thing has happen. sigh

Today
Break down since i wake up. slept at 6. didn't know got msg then doze off. until 930 then see got msg. not sure forgotten. wake up aimlessly dun intend to wake up to spend my day today. feel like sleeping all the way. but can't sleep tried to force but still can't sleep. so i stay in my room staring the around and sms until 115. dun intend to do anything just lying on my bed. went brush teeth and wash up abit. went downstair wait for nic. help him buy cig after that went jp. sry nicholas and lincoln dun feel like talking. went jp meet jm,puxiu and april jie. totally dunno how to spend my day. seriously No mood in doing anything. then dun feel like talking but somehow being force to smile,talk,eat? sry if i say anything wrong and sry for giving u guys face sry for shouting at u guys today. walk out alot of time but nv walk away. i seriously dunno what i want to do and somehow dun wan Pang seh u guys. then been rubbing my eye. i guess it swollen le. sigh zzz walk awhile eat LJS then went home take cap. went court sit at study corner. when puxiu and jie went off i sit awhile then PM buy drinks after that went block 619 8th floor look dwn. i seriously dun want let anyone see my face so i put a cap on most of the time. i guess very moody face. tears sometime drop on it own. sigh only can hide and rub again. last team and last quarter i went dwn. act like nth happen then only a few know i at 8th floor bah. sigh ...... went shooting trying to act normal? Lost all the mood on basketball and lost my touch. my 3s Shoot like ........... rubbish la. ankle pain and both knee pain. can't do even a normal lay up properly. So fed up zzz. went home with binghui and fuxian. seriously thx but i walk alone really dun feel like talking to anyone. reach home com and really dun like to go home. feel like running,swimming,cycling,SHOUT at Sea,RUN 2 rounds of 400 meter at top speed, cycle none stop at top speed,Jump touch the board 50 time and Fast Break 20 balls. i guess i can't do any of these bah.

Break up since this morning 2am - 3am. Wanted to hold on. but how should i do it? i dunno. i told myself even if i can hold on can i hold on her feelings? what to use of holding on to her body? was confuse at that moment like Everything in my mind just went blank. Talking to her i felt empty. I felt like i lost a piece of puzzle in my heart. i guess while i talking tears have been dropping. and i have been rubbing. read my blog. From April 2009 onwards. alot of things rush through my brain. Love is something unexplainable or words that can describe, not something i can read from a book or something i can use my brain to think. It consist of single soul with two bodys. It something that u get involve for Life and not something u can played or tried with. Life is like season. A never ending cycle goes on and on. Love is like an earthquake or a volcano. It erupts like an earthquake or volcano and then subsides. Love is like growing trees. weather it grow well depend on how well the roots grow. Humans are born selfish. they more concern about them self then for others. seriously who will? everyone for them self. i seriously dunno how others couple can stay so long. maybe i not really mature in somethings. to me the tougher your road become. the faster u grow and more mature. i guess my road seem easier then many people out there. no much stress coming from my family then some other family. i nv had a aim for myself. i dunno how ten year down the road wat will i become. it so unpredictable. i guess my life has been plan by my parent until i married. i seriously dunno what i writing/talking about. if u reader can understand then good lor. maybe i not thinking anything but her bah. just trying to let out. school reopening soon. i had no motivation anymore not going for this coming Monday class. i not sure if Tuesday i going but i sure Wednesday i will be going.

To her
i dunno am i in the right stand to call u cheer up and dun emo mah. cause i know i can't cheer myself up or ask myself to dun emo. but i know u can do better then me. I know u feel bad for breaking. i seriously dunno wat to say. i hope u stay strong. Like u say let future decide if we can restart again. If we really fated i know we will be together again . i dunno how ur feeling right now but i can sense u worried for me. you are a good girl i dun wan spoil u also. I not a good boy/man either maybe u can find someone more better, more handsome and more caring then me bah. although the time with u is 2 months 21 days. i really dun feel like giving up. but i had no choice but to wait. this 2 months 21 days, we been through ups and downs like roller coaster. but i know my love is still there. when u 1st told me about the feeling things. from that days onward i told myself. i should concentrate u more then anything else. to help u solve this i dunno if i did help up anything. but i know i make u more worried or sad bah. At least i know i did my best. every time when u got problem how i wish i were beside u giving u comfort. every time was thinking of you. sometime without u is meaningless, days without you is Loneliness. if time machine really exist i hope we nv start so early. maybe get to know each other more bah. at least this 2 month 21 days i really enjoyed very much. u lighted up my life but once again that light is gone. If really had a chance i wish u can put that puzzle into my heart again. i guess i gonna stop writing le. very longed post i guess.